greenrose18 (greenrose18) wrote,

“Z” IS FOR STUPID, или HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY от американской Бриджет Джонс

Here is a Valentine’s Day-2005 story for you, folks (по свежим, так сказать, следам). I met a man two months ago. He was relatively attractive. He opened doors. He paid for dinner. He brought me roses. He called me “Mi Amor”. He said he loved me. He called me “his girlfriend”. Things were moving. I decided that after Valentine’s Day I would reveal his existence to my friends and family.

A week prior to Valentine’s day, he told me that he was going out of town on Monday but will definitely be back in town for our first Valentine’s Day together, and then he said, “Mi amor, I know how much you hate chocolate and how you do not care for flowers. What would be a good gift?” Oh, was it possible that I would finally receive a gift that I actually liked? Неопределённо-оптимистично, я прошептала: “Perfumes make really good gifts” (because perfumes do make really good gifts in my book). Завершающим ударом было преподнесение мне Spanish Essentials, the educational software. He explained that Spanish was the most appropriate language for LOVE (I know, I know, держите меня шестеро, but that’s how it happened), and I should learn it so we could sweet-talk in Spanish exclusively. I thought that Greenrose’s Valentine’s Day curse would finally be lifted (hey, it did happen to Red Sox, didn’t it?) A couple of days later he text-messaged me asking how I was doing and said he was working real hard on his business trip, meetings all day long and so on. Nothing out of the ordinary, business as usual.

Do I need to tell you that I have never heard from him again?

By Saturday I started getting a little worried. On Sunday something was telling me that I would not have a happy Valentine’s Day. I kind of knew. On February 14, I woke up in the morning. I put on a brand new red cashmere sweater (courtesy of my mother! She sent it to me together with a Valentine card), a silver heart engraved “Hug me, Kiss me, Love me”, my stunning aqua eyes, and went to work. A dead silence surrounded me. No call, no e-mail, no text-message, no sign of life from my so-called boyfriend. When my secretary asked me what I was doing for Valentine’s Day, I responded, “I think I am being stood up.” Секретарша неуверенно предположила: “Maybe he is going to surprise you.” I did not believe that even for a minute. I went home. The next day at lunch I told my friends at work about him. Very predictable reaction: What a jerk! He does not deserve you! You should tell him how you feel! You should call him and curse at him!

Now when I show up at work, they immediately ask me, “Did he call?” And then they say, “Why don’t you call him and give him a piece of your mind.” I sit there and I know that he is only a phone call away, and I look at my phone, but the thing is that I do not want to call. I am not sad, and I am not angry, and I am not upset. Единственным актом агрессии с моей стороны является выброс его зубной щётки в мусорное ведро. I am just puzzled.

In a couple of days I went from a girlfriend to a woman who did not have a date for Valentine’s Day. I kept his stupid chamomile tea (something that I would not be caught dead drinking, but who knows, maybe my next boyfriend will be a girlie tea drinker, too), and I have Number 1 selling Spanish educational software on my computer now. I do realize that I will never see him again, and I can even understand his disappearance, but one thing that I will never understand is the following:


By the way, I lied about perfumes. What I really wanted was Tiffany’s bracelet with a heart charm on it. You know what I am talking about, don’t you?
Tags: personal, single life

  • (no subject)

    Я прочла, что Кеосаян собирается делать римейк «Белорусского вокзала», только с «афганцами». Знаете, я смотрела этот фильм в детстве, не помню его…

  • На тему мухоморов

    Вот человек написал, что не представляет себе мухомор на елке. А у меня он есть. Это еще из маминого детства немецкая игрушка елочная. Очень ее…

  • (no subject)

    Очередное что-то посмотрела (экранизацию) и думаю, вот на хера попу баян, а? Зачем придумывать новое ненужное? Меня просто убивает, когда из…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.